When expectations are unmet,
When plans change,
When things don’t go as you planned,
When people don’t commit to showing up,
What do you do?
Adjustments are like pivots in the game of basketball.
I remember when I was learning how to pivot. How stationary one foot as to be, while the other has the freedom to move;
It’s a metaphor of being grounded while going with the flow of life.
Sometimes we happen to choose one or the other--staying grounded or going with the flow.
But just as you can pivot and do both, which leads to success in managing the ball, the offense, and not giving access to defense;
You can do both in life: staying grounded and going with the flow.
Examples of ways to stay grounded:
Set your intention for the day; like choose one gift you can give yourself (ie. Speaking up for yourself)
Connect to your others who can remind you of who you are, affirm you, and also create space for you to grow; those that can both balance being compassionate towards you and holding you accountable or "telling you about yourself..." with love
Create a daily or weekly routine
Remind yourself of your goals
Journal using guided journaling prompts
Create a vision and mission statement and remind yourself of them often
Practice gratitude; create a gratitude list consistently
Engage in Deep-breathing
Put your bare feet on the ground…literally…walk/stand barefoot in sand, grass, water (be mindful that surroundings are clean :)
Have discipline in honoring your boundaries
Go on a trip with an intention
Examples of ways to go with the flow:
Plan your day on the morning of
Pick a specified number of priorities for the day, so you can leave room for whatever else may arise, like other ideas
Celebrate your accomplishments
Journal or self-reflect and write/think about whatever comes to your mind without judgement or self-criticism
Move your body (ie. Walk, dance, skate, etc.)
Do something spontaneous
Explore a new place
Watch a new movie/tv show
Go on a trip without an itinerary
What else can you add?
The importance of both staying grounded and going with the flow is that you teach your mind, body, and soul to respond to what is not within your control, instead of being easily thrown off by it. When you respond, you can do so with more grace and with clarity of solutions. When you train yourself to do this, you can approach adversity differently, as you won’t be so easily bothered or bogged down when something doesn’t go the way you desire. In doing both, you recognize both your power and your ability to release what is not within your control. These are healing methods for depression and and anxiety which often are emotional states that can cause you to feel a loss of power or control.
In play, when a bad play happens, you may have been conditioned to just move to the next play and that strategy serves a huge purpose while in the middle of a game or competition and a timeout or a film session can better aid in breaking down that bad play to apply new strategies going forward in the game or competition;
In life, there are different strategies you can take, and sometimes you do have to wait to reflect so that you can adjust appropriately and sometimes you have to adjust in the moment. Practicing staying grounded and going with the flow increases your self-control, your ability to respond and not react, and your self-awareness. It also helps you to show up genuinely healthy in relationships with others and helps you to continue managing what you are responsible for managing. Remember, pivoting successfully means you are still in control of what is in your control. External change doesn’t have to change what is within your control unless you allow it to.
How else can staying grounded and going with the flow work for you?
Written by Kheri A. Corbin,
For those on the verge of reacting or acting out of character,
For those Black Athletes,
And the ones who genuinely love them
I’ve been taking a break to find that woman that I lost;
I'm learning how to value more my healthy familial relationships and friendships;
Remembering that I used to just surround myself with people to claim a popularity, but didn't realize then, that I was settling for company.
I no longer find my worth through relationships, so I no longer engage in just any old relationships.
I’d rather be seen alone and be internally happy than be seen with people and feeling lonely and unhappy;
I’ve been there.
I wish more people would come out and lose the facade that investing in relationships doesn’t mean losing parts of you that you shouldn’t have to lose,
Because I know I’m not alone.
I feel the energy from parents not enjoying parenting, from spouses not enjoying their significant others, and I’m not just speaking about momentary conflict, but actual relational depression.
I don’t want to feel that.
I want to be validation for something different and for something more;
I want to be validation for freedom in relationship and for boundaries being respected and honored not over-explained and fought for.
I’m done fighting in petty ways over trivial matters;
I’ve proven my strength in unhealthy ways long enough.
I’m learning how to fight differently;
Fight in a way that makes the woman I am and am becoming proud and even more secure in who she is.
Some confidence comes through winning internal battles that you don’t need to commentate;
It comes through softness and surrendering.
I had to unlearn that confidence isn’t always loud.
I thank God that in being a girly tomboy, I’ve used my masculine energy to protect myself cause I knew all along I could trust me, but deep down inside I was afraid to trust another with me.
I'm coming to grips with that fear.
I’m learning that me and that fear was onto something, I can’t just trust anybody, but I can trust somebody.
I trust the family and friends,
with whom I’ve been able to cultivate healthy relationships,
with whom I’ve been able to laugh until I’m in tears,
with whom I’ve been able to dance freely around,
with whom I’ve been genuinely free and authentic,
with whom I’ve been able to be human around and experience the complexities of my emotions and my truths.
I take this time to thank you all for co-creating this space for me to love on and heal my wounded inner child,
who forgot the crown her father placed on her head,
who forget her respect doesn’t need to be fought for,
who knows how to carry herself in such a way that healthy love is understood and doesn’t have to be explained,
who knows that there are certain things that are a prerequisite for any type of access.
I’m committed to my healing with fresh fuel that comes from being there and doing that and having plenty of scars to show for it.
I’m tired of telling stories that end with “I can’t make this stuff up;”
I’m ready to share stories of experiences I don’t have to heal from.
Here’s to a new journey, a new trajectory on my own healing journey.
What have you discovered in you through grieving?
(This is in honor of losing one of my favorite people, with whom I wished I would have invested more in-person quality time. I hate that I had to learn through her passing the high value of unapologetically not taking ish from anyone and the significance of taking up space in ways that honor your truths and your growth. Thank you Cassandra for still taking up space. Through your elevation, I’ve gained fuel to evolve. I love you and oh, do I miss you, but I see your presence and your light all around. I know you and my grandmother are sharing truths and taking no mess with smiles that keep the lights flowing through Heaven.)
Written by Kheri A. Corbin,
This is for the Black Athletes, who lost themselves somewhere along the way and are rediscovering who they are,
And the for the ones who genuinely love them