Don't take it personal...can be much easier said than done. Sometimes we really have to check the source of the messages we get, check the messenger of the words that are said to us, or check the person or people that are behind the things that are said about us. When you are playing or competing, one of the best strategies to use is to focus on doing your part, focus on your role, focus on your position, focus on how you can contribute, focus on how you can win, and focus on how you can defend. Tuning out the noise of the crowd is key, and yet sometimes, it's not so easy, especially when it's so loud or it's so repetitive.
The issue grows when we tie what other's say to our internal worth. We are conditioned as children to believe that our worth is supposed to come from external sources, and because of that, some girls are robbed of their power and voice, and some boys are robbed of their sense of safety in being vulnerable and emotionally expressive.
This shows that what impacts our worth is other's insecurities and other's emotional reactions.
1. Insecurities
Only healthy others can see the fullness of your worth. Handing worth to an insecure person is like handing a piece of glass to a child while they are experiencing a temper tantrum; it will be handled in accordance with their healing or lack of healing. It’s as if unhealthy others are looking at you with broken lens, they may at times get a glimpse of you, but not the fullness of you or the fullness of your worth. They will only be able to do so when they are able to put the pieces of their lens together, and those pieces come together as they heal, but they have to choose to heal.
2. Emotions
Sometimes, things are said when someone is having an emotional reaction.
Emotions are temporary; your worth is not.
What experiences have impacted your worth?
When you evaluate those experiences, a strategy to assist you in healing is really being honest with yourself about how you truly feel about your own worth. Sometimes we hear and absorb what reinforces how we truly feel about ourselves. Elevate your worth and you will be able to better dismiss when others say things that are out of alignment, and you will be able to tune the noise out and/or appropriately respond to it, in such a way, that adds even more value to your perception of self.
For more on healing this area, see previous blog entitled, 'Check the Critic at the Door'
Written by Kheri A. Corbin,
For those who can honestly admit they took it personal,
For those Black Athletes,
and the ones who genuinely love them
"Nobody’s perfect" and "To love is to risk getting hurt" are cliches that can at times cause one to tolerate unnecessary chaos or avoid relationships all together.
Yes, it is true, relationships are risky and hard choices to make.
That truth can be clouded by the initial phases of relationships, which include admiration and pursuit.
But when the newness wears off, and the comfort sets in, you're triggered or the opportunities present for healing to take place, you can feel the risks and the hard choices associated with being in relationship and with choosing yourself and your person consistently.
The beauty of relationships is that they teach us and reveal to us more about our internal selves. We are relational beings. We are in constant relationship with everything and everyone around us. As Black Athletes, it can be easy to lose sight of the value of relationships when the priority is so often on winning and a version of success that you must acclimate to. Yet what outlasts any win or loss are those bonds that are cemented with genuine connection, laughter, similarities, love, friendship, shared values, experiences, and memories.
& Yet, just like sports, relationships have their seasons.
Seasons of high connection and high energy, and seasons where more space and more focus is necessary. Seasons of calm and seasons where applying solution to challenges has to be the intention.
Sometimes, these seasonal flows are taken personally or as personal attacks. Because two people can be in two different seasons at the same time, and thereby have different needs and desires. Wellness is about having the freedom to access what you need.
How would you describe the season your relationships are in right now?
What do you need from you and from others during this season?
Written by Kheri A. Corbin,
For those experiencing relational changes,
For those Black Athletes,
And the ones who genuinely love them
