You’re calling it discernment, when it may really be fear.
You'll reject or embrace a thing/emotion/person based on what you have called them, based on what they represent to you.
Those thoughts that are keeping you up at night and greeting you when you get up in the morning;
That heaviness you feel on your chest;
That tightness you feel gripping you;
It may not be discernment that has a hold on you.
It may be fear trying to restrict you.
Discernment is such a heavy feeling to embrace and sit with.
There’s a lot of discomfort when it comes to sitting with it,
But that’s also what
Fear feels like.
Sometimes our bodies, hearts, and minds are trying to tell us something, but we are so busy misinterpreting the messages, watering down its messages, ignoring and leaving the messages on read that we don’t pay full attention.
What feelings do you need to sit with again?
What feelings are showing up disguised as another feeling?
The longer you sit with some feelings, the more you will be able to really articulate where it’s coming from and the better you will be able to articulate its messages.
As football seasons begin from high school to professional, there's so much celebration in the air about the newness of it all, especially in the midst of ongoing pandemics. It's as if athletes, sports staff, and fans alike can live anew in the midst of tough, unified experienced adversity.
New Seasons remind me of the gratitude I have for Old Endings. Whether the start of this playing season, marks the end of your offseason, end of your time playing and competing with an old team, end of old relationships with former teammates or former coaches, end of playing a sports position, end of another relationship, and/or end of no longer being compensated for your name, likeness, and image; new can be exciting and uncomfortable. The discomfort can come because anything new can come with a false perception of closure.
A part of me appreciates the display of what moving forward without the end of pandemics looks like. (Of course, with respect for safety protocols.) Moving forward is an internal process; it's healing; it's a commitment to going after freedom emotionally, mentally, and relationally.
There are several false beliefs about closure; one belief is that 'once you close the door, it's really over.' We take something from each experience, big or small. We can arrive at closure multiple times for the same events and experiences throughout our healing journeys. Just because you are prepared for an ending, it doesn't mean that the people around you are too. We are all at different places in our healing journeys. As you choose to move forward, you'll need clarity about your boundaries. Prioritizing moving forward can open you to all the possibilities that the last situation, person, relationship, or team taught you or revealed to you about you. As long as closure doesn't cause you to put a closed door on your healing, what if you were to milk the pain of the past for all the lessons and awareness you can get from it? As you open wounds in your healing process, you can grow in becoming more open; open to new ways of relating to others, open to loving yourself unconditionally, open to new perspectives, open to growing, open to healthier boundaries, etc.
Making a commitment to healing means there are going to be some wounds that you have that don't have a quick solution. Some pain requires a longer recovery period. Healing requires pace. There are some expectations about healing that have to be adjusted if you want to experience lasting outcomes.
What are your expectations about healing?
Because of your expectations, what are you committed to?
As I heal, I expect that I will awake not just my own pain, but the pain of the generations before me. I am committed to growing in ways that the generations before me didn’t have the audacity to, the resources to, the intention to, nor the trust to. I’m committed to doing my part to free us from the bondage of pain and limited thinking. I'm committed to becoming aware of and stopping cycles that reinforced our familiar connection to struggle.